Chapter 4 Application:

Know your own mom code

Hey Mama, Do you ever feel like there's this defining line between us and the stay at home mama? Do you ever feel like the choices we made to go to work and the way we survive the trenches of parenting have created two camps, us vs. them? 

There is a way to bridge the gap and embrace our stay at home mama sisters by knowing our own code

An Excerpt from Chapter 4: 

      "What do we do with this new idea of leaning into the grace and permission we have to go off to work? We live our own life according to the calling God has placed on us, but we do not alienate those with a different calling. We begin to see our stay at home mama sisters through a different lens and stop comparing.

     I like to define our differences as a Mom Code, the set of guidelines and standards we set for our own parenting and the reasons that drive those convictions. We may live by a different mom code, but what time, maturity, and the good Lord have helped me realize is that we have the same goals. We are all approaching this motherhood thing with a two-part purpose. We long to survive, because let’s be honest, regardless of our daily agenda, motherhood is the hardest job we will ever do. And we want to thrive, because we strive for nothing less than giving our kids greatness and dare I say, perfection.

      Along the way to achieving these two goals, we compare our tactics to those around us, we scrutinize and judge, and in our insecurities, we can become abrasive in our defense of our own choices. Neither camp is exempt from these judgments, whether perception or reality, and as a result we fall into this trap of a lifetime of making excuses and apologizing for our choices."

Steps to knowing your mom code

Chapter 4 talks about the freedom we have in Christ to be working moms and what we should be doing with that freedom. It looks at the differences between a working and stay at home mama and calls out some of the major differences I've encountered in my friendships with these women. It takes a look at our mom code, the set of principles and convictions that drive our parenting. While we can speculate about the judging undertones of their mom code, perhaps their decisions have no judgment in them at all. And the reality is, I wrestle with my own scrutiny of SAHMs that are equally unfair. The way to break the barriers that divide us on some of these hot topics, is to understand our convictions that drive our decisions and find some common ground in theirs.

Know your own Mom Code:

There are certain decisions you make in your parenting that stem from your own convictions. Maybe these are not popular choices among your friends. Whether your play group moms, church friends, or work friends view you as the strict mom or the sugar mom who lets her kids do anything, you have arrived at your decisions based on some conviction.

If you can think ahead of the awkward conversations and prepare some answers built in love and grace, those moments will be so much easier to bear. So take a minute and define your mom code.

The Do's: The things you have prayerfully considered to make room for in your home

➢ We do _______________________________________ because _______________________________

➢ We do _______________________________________ because _______________________________

➢ We do _______________________________________ because _______________________________

The Don'ts: The things we have decided are not God's best for our family. Other's may choose these and we won't judge, but we understand why we chose those so that we can lovingly explain if asked. 

➢ We don’t do ___________________________________ because ______________________________

➢ We don’t do ___________________________________ because ______________________________

➢ We don’t do ___________________________________ because ______________________________

• Areas in my life where I feel guilty of my parenting choices because of comparison are:


                o Is this guilt of comparison or conviction? If you can’t answer that, pray for clarity.

• Areas in my life where I may be judging others because of their parenting choices are:


                o How can I show love and grace in these situations?

"Whether we work, stay at home, or are sitting with a round belly and have yet to meet our baby, we all want to love our kids and do the best job we can with this mom thing. We make the best choices for our situations, our convictions, and our beliefs. Our choices may be unique, and our lives may look different on the surface, but those differences shouldn’t result in judgment or isolation from each other. I pray over this with angst. I want to be the change agent, to see the differences and celebrate them. To compliment the friend who does take the time to bake the organic bread on which she spreads her homemade, gluten free, dairy free almond butter, rather than feel less than or angry because she is trying to redefine this mom code in a way I just can’t hang. Chances are, she may look at some aspects of my life and feel the same insignificance or insecurity or measurement." This One's For the Working Mama, Chapter 4

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8.